Ahh…marriage…

If you marry young, you begin your life…well…in our case…BROKE.

You work, you save, you spend….and spend…and spend…

Suddenly you wake up 2.5 kids later and in a debt load that shocks you (because you were the one that prided yourself on how well you handle money.) You start looking for answers on how to get out of debt…you’re determined that you will be debt-free…but after a few months of working your budget, you don’t see any progress and feel defeated. You give up and just figure this is my life, I just better accept it.

Sound familiar?

That was me in a VERY condense version. (If you’d like to read the 3-part story you can check it out HERE.)

I was so defeated that I couldn’t get us out of debt. I was the one who handled the money, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I tried to let my husband in on what we were doing, but what I really needed what his partnership. That is not to say he wasn’t a partner in it, but he didn’t have the same vision of being debt-free that I had. We were on different pages. Heck, we had different books!

He was happy that the bills were paid on time and there was food in the fridge. When you come from a background of constant financial struggle what we were experiencing was nothing. But I was miserable. Since I did all the finances, I felt like I was failing when we were short every month. I literally gave up.

This is a prime example of why you AND your spouse need to be on the same page. Because my husband and I saw our finances differently there was no way we were going to make any traction. Then he discovered Dave Ramsey on the radio. He listened to it a few times and realized that we had the Total Money Makeover book. He read it! The spark ignited. He realized that he needed to shoulder the finaces with me. In doing that I felt relief and accountability. I also didn’t feel so horrible when I said, “No” to items that our kids wanted. Now he still doesn’t do the tedious task of making the budget, but he is fully aware of our debt, what debt we are working on and so on.

Where do I start?

The most important thing you need is a mentor couple. You need to find someone who is making progress in their finances. He/She or they are the ones who have the fruit on the tree. Finances is a very vulnerable topic so find someone trustworthy and then hold onto them for dear life! Listen to them and really take their suggestions to heart. They are usually seeing things more objectively than you can see.

How do I get my spouse on board?

I’ll be honest, that is not an easy question to answer. You need to discover the right trigger that works for your partner.

Some spouses will just say, “Hey, let’s take this Financial Peace University class together” and that works just fine. Others can be a little harder to reach because you just can’t “suggest” or “tell” them to do something.

I had to be patient and let my husband “discover” Dave.

The decision to change your finacial picture has to be a self-initiated decision.

• Sometimes a heart-to-heart from a wife to a husband about the feelings of insecurity may work. 
• Other times scheduling a couple-to-couple chat may work. Use a mentor couple. If your spouse is not with you, the mentor couple can help pray, encourage, and guide you until your spouse comes around.
• You may need a one-on-one. A spouse from one couple meeting the other spouse to talk things through.
• Have the Dave Ramsey show on the radio so your partner can “overhear” the calls.
• Figure out a goal or desire that your partner wants and show him/her how you can reach that goal if you were debt free.

These are just a few suggestions to get you thinking. I hope you and your partner are in it together because it makes the victories a lot sweeter.