How We Teach Our Kids About Money and Responsibility
One of the most common questions my husband and I get is, “How do you teach your children about finances?”Hold that thought—we’ll get back to it in a minute.
When we took Financial Peace University, one statistic shocked us: most college graduates don’t know how to handle money. Looking back on my own experience, I can’t recall a single finance class in college. Even in high school, the only “finance” I learned was balancing a checkbook—and I barely remember that.
Two personal experiences stick out in my mind when it comes to learning about finances.
My First Check and the Spanish “Dollars”
At 16, I got my first job and my first checking account. When I wrote my first check, I spelled “dollars” wrong—I wrote dolares (thanks, Spanish class!). I also remember my dad patiently teaching me how to balance my checkbook. It took a few tries before it clicked, but eventually, I wrote down a formula to help me remember.
Learning to Deposit a Check
Before I wrote that first check, my dad took me to the bank to deposit one. I thought he’d walk me through it, but nope—he stayed in the car and told me to figure it out. Picture a nervous teenager standing in the middle of the bank lobby, completely clueless. I was sure my dad would come in and rescue me, but he didn’t. After what felt like forever, I finally asked someone for help.
It was a tough lesson, but I never forgot how to make a deposit. Years later, I asked my dad why he made me do that. He said, “I wanted you to learn that when you have questions about money, you ask for help.”
Teaching Our Kids About Finances
While I may not take the “figure it out” approach with my kids, we are very intentional about teaching them financial responsibility in ways that match their age. My husband and I start early with a simple but powerful lesson: teaching them to say ‘No.’
Why Saying “No” Matters
What does “no” have to do with finances? Everything.
Take your child to the store, and you’ll hear, “I want this!” or “Can I have that?” Our kids usually hear one of two responses:
- “No.”
- “Did you bring your money?”
We don’t say no to be mean. We’re teaching them that shopping has a purpose and buying impulsively isn’t part of it. Giving in to every whim fosters the “gotta-have-it-now” mentality. If kids don’t learn to hear—and respect—the word no when they’re young, it’s a struggle for everyone when they’re older.
Earning Their Treats
Sometimes, my kids ask for small treats like gum or candy. In those cases, I let them earn it through good behavior or helping out. For example, if they’re good listeners or help find items while shopping, I’ll reward them.
When they finally earn the treat, it’s a big deal. I make sure to praise their efforts, so they feel proud of their accomplishment. It boosts their confidence and teaches them that rewards come from effort—not entitlement.
What About Tweens?
Now that I have a tween (heaven help me), I don’t say “no” as much. Instead, I ask, “Did you bring your money?”This is often followed by a sigh and, “No…but can I borrow some?”
At first, I didn’t think much of it. Then it hit me: letting them “borrow” money teaches them that borrowing is okay whenever they want something. That’s a slippery slope. As adults, it’s too easy to borrow from credit cards or even friends and family, which can lead to debt or strained relationships.
We teach our kids that borrowing isn’t an option. If they don’t have the money, they can’t buy the item. Simple as that.
Do We Love Our Kids? Absolutely
At this point, you might be thinking, “Wow, they must not love their kids—they don’t give them anything!”
Hold on!
We do this because we love our kids. Our goal isn’t to raise children; it’s to raise competent adults who can handle life’s financial challenges. We’re raising future adults who will:
- Make responsible financial decisions.
- Say no to debt.
- Be a blessing, not a burden, to others.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Hebrews 12:11:
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
If we teach our kids financial discipline now—when we can control their environment—they’ll have the tools to succeed as adults.
Setting Our Kids Up for Success
It’s not just about finances, though. Discipline in other areas of life is critical, too. I recently watched a show called You’re Cut Off, where young women (in their 20s!) didn’t know how to cook, clean, or live without their parents’ money.
Their parents thought they “deserved” the best but didn’t teach them how to earn it. The result? Lost adults with no confidence or life skills. But by the end of the show, many of the women felt pride in their accomplishments. They realized that self-sufficiency and giving back to the community feel much better than entitlement.
Discipline Starts at Home
Here’s the truth: if we don’t teach discipline at home, the world will teach it—and that lesson will be much harsher.
As Proverbs 13:24 says,
“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
It’s tough love, but it’s real love.
Expect Great Things from Your Kids
We expect a lot from our children because we know they’re capable of it.
- We expect them to be respectful and earn respect.
- We expect them to be responsible adults.
- We expect them to earn their own things.
Because if you expect nothing…that’s exactly what you’ll get.